Rhode Island Limericks

Here’s a handful of the limerick series I penned to help drag the form out from Nantucket’s shadow. Sure Rhode Island’s poetic representatives aren’t as physically impressive as their northern neighbor, but they probably have great personalities!

There once was a man from Warren
Whose sexual acts were quite borin’.
He hooked up with a chick
who was narcoleptic,
so he didn’t wake her while performin’.

There was once a young fellow from Coventry
who could not help from falling in love with me.
Didn’t want to be rude
since I’m not in to dudes,
so we only made out one time… okay, three.

I knew a man back in Greenwich
who went on a blind date with a lich.
To her place they went back an’ she
spread wide her phylactery,
and they spent hours filling her niche.

I knew a man from Central Falls
whose antics drove girlfriends up walls.
He was passive-aggressive
and compulsive-obsessive.
Did you think this would be about his balls?

There was a man from Providence
who was never able to convince
women to sleep with him.
And now on a strange whim,
THIS WILL NOT BE A LOVECRAFT REFERENCE.

I knew a man back up in Westerly
who had to make love quite inexpertly.
Though he didn’t thrust weakly,
his cock bent obliquely
so he’d always cum on his own chest, you see.

There once was a man from Narragansett.
His was small, and he wished to enhance it.
He took pills and it soon
grew as round as the moon.
so his doctor decided to lance it.

There was a cute young man from Lincoln
who toured New Orleans heavily drinkin’.
He began at Miss Mae’s,
cabbed downtown and sashay’d
to the Phoenix to end his night twinkin’.

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