Bouncing Soulmates – a Sestina

Caveats: 1) No formal rules were broken, just bent. Bending things is fun.
2) Yeah my music tastes haven’t changed since 2000, what of it? Be glad I didn’t make an Ephertaph pun at any point.

Bouncing Soulmates – a Sestina
by Zach Bartlett

My tries at getting picked up have been junk,
Almost enough to make me shed a tear.
It shouldn’t be so hard to just get some,
I feel as though my patience will soon crack.
Maybe I could get out on the dance floor,
but dancing pants lay folded in my drawers.

I mean my dresser; not, like, boxers-drawers.
Don’t need no pair of pants to pad my junk!
If only they knew that out on the floor.
I worry if I danced, both pants would tear.
Well if they did, at least the girls would crack
up, then maybe they might talk to me some?

Several of them, I find, are quite toothsome.
I kind of want to get into their drawers.
I figure, eh, I could give it a crack;
just go and spout some pick-up-artist junk.
But if she’s sassy she’ll go on a tear
and cuss me out ’til I’m curled on the floor.

Just then some punk rock girl walks ‘cross the floor,
asks what I’m drinking, and I buy her some.
Her Bad Religion t-shirt easily tears
my focus from her trunk (but damn, such junk!)
I say, “I’ve got that same shirt in a drawer.
I actually saw them tour with Leftӧver Crack.”

It’s quite a naughty smile that she cracks,
then navigates us both around the floor
to leave the club-rats to their dubstep junk.
She pulls me close and then says “So, handsome,
what else do you keep hidden in that drawer?”
We get in to her car, and off we tear.

We’re in my bed so quickly the sheets tear,
I’m squeezed until my spine could almost crack.
(I hope there’s still some condoms in that drawer.)
But either way, her shirt’s off and I’m floored!
A loss for words — opposite of gruesome?
No time for that vocabulary junk!

She tears her skirt off, throws it on the floor,
and says “You want some, boy, well take a crack
at it.” I drop my drawers, whip out my junk–
fin.

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